Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Numbness.

I spend quite a lot of time watching TV. Admittedly a lot less now that I'm busy/studying again, but it used to be my most common past-time. Partly this is because there's tv shows that I absolutely LOVE, and that make me feel happier. But perhaps just as often, unfortunately, I just get glued to the screen and spend hours watching things that I don't even particularely like. And I know that I'm not alone in this. I think some of the most popular tv shows are just popular because no one really cares about them either way, you don't care enough to turn away, and when you come across it you sort of keep watching. But the more I think about it, the more this saddens me.

Similarely I am online a lot. And again, this is partly because there are sites and blogs that I love, but mostly I just spend my time browsing and reading things I don't even really care about. Hours can go by without feeling anything, just clicking and clicking and reading this and that not caring. It scares me how easily I can go on automatic time-wasting pilot when on my computer.

The worst life I can imagine is one filled with boredom. Thankfully I don't get bored easily, so I don't think this is a fate I'll have to fear. But perhaps it's just as bad to spend a life consuming things you don't particularely care about, things that don't make you feel anything. When you love or hate something, it gives you energy, it gives you a will to live, it makes you feel alive, it gives meaning to life. I identify myself by the things I love and hate, the easiest description of myself would be saying that I love Shostakovich, my bunny, the sea, dresses, Arnulf Rainer, Robert Levon Been, loud music, philosophy and Lee Pace, and that I hate misogyny, Geert Wilders, Mozart and willful ignorance. Among other things, obviously there's a lot more. These are all a part of who I am, they are important to me (the love much more than the hate, but I think that goes without saying. I dislike the word hate anyway, I think I strongly dislike a lot more things than I hate. Too much hate is toxic).

So why, if I can enjoy things very intensely, do I still spend time watching all these random things that make me feel nothing? I don't know. Part of the reason why I started this blog is so that I can focus on things I love, and pay more attention to them, and try to share the love with others, but I think I have to be more serious about this. And therefore I have promised to myself that I will not spend any more time watching/listening to/reading numbing things. Instead I will focus my time on educating myself and on doing things I love. Because my life is too short and too important to waste.

7 comments:

  1. This is exactly what I need to do and have been thinking about a lot lately. Especially the internet side of the things. I turned on my computer one day and now I'm 26.

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  2. This is why I've gotten rid of my tv over four years ago - and seriously, I do not miss it one bit. Thanks to file sharing online I pick very precisely what I want to watch - that can be four season of a particular series in a row, so I'll be hooked for a week or 2, or just new eps of ongoing series as they are released, and very often I'll get huge loads of documentaries or useful/interesting programs, like Stephen Fry's QI.

    I hardly ever only watch a series, most of the time I'll be doing something else at the same time - so even though I watch a lot, I'm not quite wasting my time. Give it a try, get rid of your tv! Your laptop and a pair of speakers is all you need to watch specifically the things you like! And if you need some advice on where to find stuff, just let me know ;)

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  3. God, I know. Educate me about this particular topic when you find the solution! ;)

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  4. heel erg bekend... ik breng dan wel tijd door op internet met dingen die ik 'leuk' vind, maar dat is zoveel (facebook-livejournal-twitter-tumblr-blogs-eeeennn weer van voor af aan) dat ik uren doorbreng achter een schermpje. terwijl de mensen die ik het meest bewonder/als voorbeeld neem, amper tijd achter de computer doorbrengen maar vooral dingen DOEN en veel lezen.
    ik kijk eigenlijk nooit tv maar wel heel veel series, elke avond wel een aflevering. leuk maar ook 'numbing', je hoeft even niet aan jezelf te denken, maar zodra de aflevering voorbij is... blegh. er is gewoon teveel afleiding in deze wereld beschikbaar. ik zeg altijd trots dat ik nergens aan verslaafd ben (medicijnen, sigaretten, alcohol) maar ik ben eigenlijk net zo verslaafd aan tv series/films en internet als anderen aan verdovende middelen. fuck, tv IS een verdovend middel...

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  5. De TV de deur uit doen is highly recommended :-)

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  6. http://www.volkskrant.nl/vk/nl/2672/Wetenschap-Gezondheid/article/detail/1045433/2010/11/04/Onzichtbaarheidscape-stap-dichterbij.dhtml

    :D

    Dit was even de enige manier waarop ik wist hoe ik dit met je kon delen :').

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  7. OMG Sibel, WAT GEWEEEEEEEELDIG :D

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